just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
