On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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