Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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