He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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