They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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