I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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