we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
