Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
