Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
