he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
