Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
