dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
