Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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