I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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