I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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