You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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