it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
