well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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