i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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