Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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