There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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