Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
