I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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