aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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