She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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