So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
