My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
