This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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