he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
