Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
