We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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