Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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