you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are my feet made of real feet?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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