GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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