its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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