Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
