i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
