your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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