If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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