Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
