im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
