And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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