Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
