i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
