If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
