When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
