come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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