The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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