I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
