Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
