my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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