Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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